I wish

I could take credit for a lot of the witty things I say and do

But I can’t

Everything I say and do is influenced by a moment in my life

Everything I say or do has a back story…a memory that I cling to..

I wish I could be as amazing as some see me, but I know I’m not

I know I’m a failure. I know I’m a daft idiot. I know I’m an impulsive-at-time, indecisive babbling idiot.

I *know* I forget important things and remember the simple, stupid things in life.

I know I become way too obsessive at times.

And I know I have way too many blogs.

Out of all these things that I know, I do not know who I am. Without the influences or important people, who am I? What am I? What kind of life will I lead?

I do not know who I am. What I like. What I enjoy. I know the bare minimum of these things, but I cannot tell you *fully* what it is that I anticipate for. If the things I stumble over are truly worth it.

I am unable to start many sentences without using “I”.

I know that I am selfish, but besides being conceited, what does that mean, in retrospect?

Understanding Love is a bitch that I do not comprehend. People try to help, and yet, I fail terribly to meet their standards that they have set before me.

Life is a mystery.

I hate mysteries.

I hate the unknown.

I hate me.

I wish that I did not hate so many things. I wish that I knew more about myself and who I was. I wish that I wasn’t *afraid* to discover these things and see if they are what they seem. I wish that I was able to be me.

I wish that I could not be a repetitive baboon. Once I find something that someone finds smart or interesting, I repeat it, plastering it everywhere, trying to share it with everyone.

I wish that I did not do that. And yet…I know that I’m not going to stop. I know that this is who I am.

and i hate it more than you will ever know.