Erika's World?

2009-12-30T23:02:00.003-05:00

I hate you
You make me want to die
You make me want to choke myself. cut myself. jump off a bridge. leap in front of a train.

But I know I won't.
I'm fucking chicken shit. I know my mom wouldn't be able to handle things if I were to die.

I just want to get out of here.
I want away from these people.

4 close friends?
More like 1, maybe 1 and a half.

I want out of this hell hole, I want away from this fucking place.

dig me now fuck me later.

Confused

2009-08-29T15:59:00.002-04:00

I'm confused by a lot of things in life, and everything seems to be crashing at once inside my head. Conflicting ideas and questions and answers.
It seems to me that I've been paying closer attention to the way people do the things they do, and say the things they say. How they mean these things. How their personality contributes to the way they act around others, and by themselves.

I want to scream the words inside my head, that keep on pounding back and forth to be released, but if I do, not only am I scared of what others will think or do, I fear that if by speaking, I am finalizing what I've been pondering.

That it will all become too real for me to deal with.
I wish I could learn to deal, but I can't, and I know it.
I hate this feeling.
I hate these thoughts.
I just want them to end.
I just want them to die.

Will you help me?
Or will you run off, like I foresee everyone around me eventually doing?

Another Hate Post

2009-08-17T22:04:00.002-04:00

I hate people.
I really do.
I hate how I continue to 'DeviantWatch' someone who I used to be friends with, when I know it will only piss me off more.

The problem at hand? Mary.
We used to be friends.
Now we aren't.
Not getting into that.

BUT-See, I'm kindasortaish? friends with Sam Ritt still. I mean..I've known her since I was in 3rd grade, and she used to go out with my brother. Just because she and Mary live practically next door does not mean she's not a friend of mine. And Sam Shirk? Eh. It's weird there, that friendship.

Anyhoo, the thing is, Sam Ritt doesn't LIVE in my neighborhood. And in my neighborhood we have a preserved piece of land away from development that has a creek that branches into the rest of the neighborhood. I love it here, Pine Tree Farms (: The thing though is, there are taxes on the land, and as such, if you go to the activities the PTF Board peoples set up, you pay 20$ 'dues' per house, i think? and you can use the Woods freely.

What makes me mad is how Mary, Shirk, and Ritt all hang out in the woods. All the time. Like, that's MY neighborhood. Sam's GRAMMA lives here, yes, but she does not.

It's just something that has ALWAYS ticked me off.
And seeing photos on her dA account really made me mad (Mary's), for she had a 'photoshoot' there.

Um. Right.
The one image of Sam is uber blurry.
And the watermark?
Nobody's going to steal your photos; trust me.

UGHHH WHATEVER

I wish

2009-08-17T01:45:00.001-04:00

I could take credit for a lot of the witty things I say and do

But I can’t

Everything I say and do is influenced by a moment in my life

Everything I say or do has a back story…a memory that I cling to..

I wish I could be as amazing as some see me, but I know I’m not

I know I’m a failure. I know I’m a daft idiot. I know I’m an impulsive-at-time, indecisive babbling idiot.

I *know* I forget important things and remember the simple, stupid things in life.

I know I become way too obsessive at times.

And I know I have way too many blogs.

Out of all these things that I know, I do not know who I am. Without the influences or important people, who am I? What am I? What kind of life will I lead?

I do not know who I am. What I like. What I enjoy. I know the bare minimum of these things, but I cannot tell you *fully* what it is that I anticipate for. If the things I stumble over are truly worth it.

I am unable to start many sentences without using “I”.

I know that I am selfish, but besides being conceited, what does that mean, in retrospect?

Understanding Love is a bitch that I do not comprehend. People try to help, and yet, I fail terribly to meet their standards that they have set before me.

Life is a mystery.

I hate mysteries.

I hate the unknown.

I hate me.

I wish that I did not hate so many things. I wish that I knew more about myself and who I was. I wish that I wasn’t *afraid* to discover these things and see if they are what they seem. I wish that I was able to be me.

I wish that I could not be a repetitive baboon. Once I find something that someone finds smart or interesting, I repeat it, plastering it everywhere, trying to share it with everyone.

I wish that I did not do that. And yet…I know that I’m not going to stop. I know that this is who I am.

and i hate it more than you will ever know.

Almost Lover?

2009-08-14T14:55:00.002-04:00

Welp, I tried to write this blog from my phone last night when I really, REALLY, needed to/wanted to.
Only.
Turns out theres a word limit ish thing?
Idk, but Isaid fuck it and I exited it.

Anyhoo, one of my new favorite songs is Almost Lover by A Fine Frenzy. I first heard it from a Cosplay Music Video done by Koi Cosplay, mainly put together by DemonicGaara, on youtube (click here to see it).

One thing to know about me: i do not believe in Love. I believe in Platonic Love. I believe in Physical Attraction and Lust, but not Love. I find it foolish.

At least in reality. . .
Because I am a die-hard Yaoi-Fan I'm kind of an oxymoron, ne? And how I love romance novels and romantic movies and stuff. Sure, I laugh at the movies, but when it comes to Yaoi-Manga or whatever? I'm giggling ><

Don't get me started on Cosplay photos or fanfiction. They make me giggle EVEN MORE.

Which makes me think that, hey, do I believe in Love?

Because I had come to the conclusion long ago that I didn't.
And yet. . . the Video pulled at my heart strings, caused me to flail about, and squeal like a little kid.

Gahhh.

I swear last night there was a much more structured form to this thing.
I mean it.

I had started off by saying how the song was stuck in my head right when I wanted to go to sleep, and my laptop was off in the living room, so I went to look at my subscriptions of Youtube, thinking there were a lot, when really there was one. Really? Wow. Anyhoo, then I was like 'Hey, I'll go see if there's a music video for Almost Lover so its still stuck in my head!'

Wrong move, lemme tell you.
I searched 'Almost Lover Music Video' and a bunch of Twilight shit came up.
That just pissed me the FUCK OFF SO BADLY.
Twilight's cool, sure, I mean, I'm kinda a fan. I make fun of it and criticize it like shit, but, I've been reading it since 2005. So yeah.
Anyhoo, SEEing all those videos just pissed me off. . . a song that I felt dearly to, and loved way too much for it to be normal, was being used by TwiHards

Really?
Seriously?
That pissed. Me. The. Fuck Off.

So, instead, I went to watch the video DemonicGaara/KoiCosplay put together (linked above somewhere)....Bad decision.

Let's get one thing straight: I hate crying. Personally, at least. I absolutely hate it. I cry, like, what, 5 times a year? IF that?
And watching the video I started to get all emotional and blubbery
x-x

which made me REAAALLY wanna blog (only Blogger and Sprint hate each other, apparently, and I wans't able to) about it

About the amazing song

About how everything I thought I knew was going kind of haywire.

Like the whole not believing in Love part of me.
I've been such a SasuNaru (SasukexNaruto for those that don't know) fangirl this past week it's been making me rethink things.

{>.>; I partly blame NavyBlueWings' amazing fanfiction}

So.
Blah.
This doesn't really have much of a point, does it?
Sorry for that.
I just..
really needed to blog.

I'm prob gonna make the Almost Lover vid the video on here, now, too
>.>;

DONTJUDGEME
*goes into corner of woe and listens to Almost Lover on repeat*

Hello?

2009-08-05T11:30:00.002-04:00

I haven't blogged lately.
Sorry.
Currently I'm in New Jersey babysitting and my laptop is getting fixed back home :D

Did I mention Firefox Exploded? Thats what the dude, John, from our neighborhood who is fixing it said happened whilst he was getting rid of all my spyware and viruses...

D:
the poor Fox!

XD
But yeah; that's getting fixed; he's also giving me more memory and a new battery! huzzah! (my batter died early last year and I've been living off of the power cord since such time)

Woot soo...what else is new with me?
Um....
SCHOOL STARTS SEPTEMBER FIRST!
huzzah?

aaaand orientation on the 24th ;D
NOT TO MENTION ZENKAIKON IN NOVEMBER!
Saturday & Sunday, babayy!

If all goes according to plan, Alina Emily and I shall be cosplaying on Saturday possible a casual version of Fulmetal Alchemist's Lust, Riza, and Sheska. Aand on Sunday, a strict-from-anime cosplay of Naruto Shippuden's Ino, Sakura, and TenTen!
If Bryn can go she wants to cosplay as Sailor Moon :3

*flails*

We just have to ask our moms...get money...and start buying/creating! :3
We want to stay overnight at a hotel but we don't know what mom's will say. But like, activities go until 11pm soo whats the point of driving nearly an hour back only to go back Sunday at 8/9AM ish?

:D *flails*

Oi, Fact: Teen Titan's marathon ish thing today going on right now on Cartoon Network. I'm in heaven (:

I missed this show soooo much!

I'll shush now

;;;; When I get home I'll also get a new video up on here! I haven't been on youtube in forever so I'll be searching for something to play here!;;;

tl;dr : in jersey, laptop getting fixed, cosplaying zenkaikon in november, teen titans marathon, new video soon

Video Fail?

2009-07-16T09:39:00.002-04:00

Went on to look at a comment on one of my blogs, and you know how the video auto starts?
Well, the sound on this computer wasn't muted.
It reverts back to normal everyday, so even though I muted it the other day, it went back to normal.
Oh, and did I mention the room was COMPLETELY SILENT minus a couple shushed conversations and the clacking of keys?
Yeah.
And then out of no where Shut Up and Sleep With Me began playing
BECAUSE THAT IS JUST SO CONVENIENT
x-x

Just wanted to blog about it(:
Last day of classes this week at camp
Going to NYC tomorrow (train at 10AM ish, be back around 8PM ish)
(:

Camp?

2009-07-14T09:50:00.001-04:00

At Camp (:
In Writing Class, actually.
Fact: I FINISHED A STORY.
First time...in...well.
Let's not go there, hmmm?
(:
It's really fun. . . only like, last year, there was 40 of us, so you got to know everyone and it was amazing. This year, we're reaching 100, basicaally. Like, 22 or less guys, and the rest are all female.
It's scary.
There are some people who I've NEVER talked to (OMFG) and others who I only said hi or something.
Blah.
But.
It's fun(:
I hope everyone having fun at home(:

I Hate You.

2009-07-06T02:01:00.003-04:00

I hate you.
I hate you I hate you I hate you.
How many times must I say this for you to realize it?
Eh. Probably a lot since whenever I say it to you we're 'joking around'
What the fuck ever.
I hate your fucking guts, your ideals and beliefs, and everything about you. Go die in a fire, fucking asshole.
I hate your guts.
Good to know you don't classify as one of your best friends, btw.
And if I ever actually do confront you about this, you'll only complain about how I'm so annoying for always talking about camp, and how I'm so pitiful for taking something said on Facebook seriously, for overreacting, for being a know-it-all, for always thinking I'm right, for being a bitch.
Well fuck you.
You say you're skeptical about God and okay with Gay Rights, yet you hate Obama and are a strong Republican. Sounds pretty damn Conservative to me.
You're always complaining about your fucking family. NEWS FLASH YOU'RE STUCK WITHTHEM UNTIL YOU'RE EIGHTEEN, GET OVER IT!
You can take your complaining about how work is only physical and not mental and that physical is harder and shove it up your ass.

You are ALWAYS fucking COMPLAINING about Ryan one minute, and then laughing hysterically over a joke he said. You've admitted it to yourself that you like him, but it doesn't fucking matter unless you say it TO HIM. If you don't have the fucking BALLS to do that, don't fucking complain to me. Don't fucking call me at 11 to talk about some your crushing on. I don't give a god damn shit.

What I find absolutely LOVELY?!!!! How you're ALWAYS talking about how when you meet a guy you like and Alina's there how he likes you more, etc, or that Alina just doesn't get it. Then why say she's one of your bestest friends and you'd give your life for them? And lets see...How many boyfriends have you had? And how many has she?

My point exactly.
You are so fucking STUCK UP nobody's gonna like you, except for maybe Ryan, and that's cause he's so fucking stupid! I hate every last one of you.

Oh, and ANOTHER THING. Last year, when Alex drove me fucking INSANE and pretty much HATING MYSELF, and we decided that we wouldn't be friends with her due to all the shit she inevitably caused between us, how the FUCK did that translate to you getting all CHUMMY with her again???? AM I the only one that fucking UNDERSTANDS an agreement? Like, SERIOUSLY!
Grow a fucking brain!
I know it doesn't include FireFighting or any of that shit, but damnit, PAY ATTENTION.

Oh, that's right, you're too fucking stupid too.
Go live in your happy world.
Go play with fire.
Go die in a fucking fire.
Or better yet; go die from the 'humongous big hose' thing you're always talking about.
I don't fucking GIVE A SHIT.

I HATE YOUR GUTS.
I've put up with your shit for the last year and thats way too long, in my opinion. We became friends due to our love for Anime and Manga. Where the fuck did that bond go? You never want to do anything when it comes to anime/manga and you act like such an ELITIST when we TALK about said topics.

What the fuck ever. I'm done dealing with it. And don't you fucking talk to my mother. All you ever did was, when there was a subject I did not feel like discussing with my mother, which, true, is a LOT, you would go right ahead and SAY it. What the hell is your PROBLEM?!! Did I tell YOUR mother and siblings all about the shit YOU'VE gone through or whatever?! Did I?! No! Because it was YOURS TO TELL! I still haven't told anyone anything private about you, and yet, BAM, things that I CLASSIFY as private you go about telling others!

Oh; and ANOTHER THING. The fucking nickname your family calls me? Well, one, the girl at the High School they kinda continued from? Is one of my fucking FRIENDS, ya dipshit! You say you and your cousins are REAL CLOSE, but then say they won't LISTEN to you when you tell them not to do something. Which one is it?! Seriously! I'm fucking sick of this going back and forth with your stories.

You are a TERRIBLE liar and promise-keeper.
I hate. Your. Guts.

You wanna know WHY I love camp so much?! DO YOU?! We weren't FAKE with each other! We knew we'd only have so-and-so amount of time together, and damnit, we made it work! Some of the people there, I would have never talked to normally, but damnit, I'm glad I did.

A true friend doesn't go making fun of you, discussing private matters (private defined by the PERSON), or totally ignoring you. You are as fake as silicone, bitch.

As fake as...well...I would say Michael Jackson's face but he died SOOOO
Can't use that.
God fucking damnit.

WhatEVER Just take your fucking McCain-loving, Republican, Anti-CrossDressing, ProLife ass SOMEWHERE ELSE WHERE I DON'T HAVE TO FUCKING SEE IT.

I'm done with dealing with your rants. I'm sick of it. Because they were ALWAYS about something I actually LOVED or ENJOYED.

Goodnight and Goodbye for forever.

Hi?

2009-07-06T00:56:00.000-04:00

I don't know what to blog about
Whoops
Well, I've been obsessing over Cosplay and such lately, lurking the forums over at Cosplay.com and wigs on eBay and CosWorx (:

So.
Yeah.
Camp in 6 days <3

Harry Potter the Musical?!

2009-06-24T00:31:00.003-04:00

Basically; the best damn things your eyes have ever seen.
And YES I did purposely quote Avril Lavigne right there.
From their Youtube page one can find out that this was a performance done in early 2009 that a bunch of college/post-grad people did, performed for three days (5 shows) and are never doing again...BUT they did record it for all of the world to watch on Youtube :D
Below is the video for the first part of Act 1. If you click here you can go to the playlist page, and then watch them straight through.

Absolutely hilarious: you will be laughing the whole way through.
It's not just one book, more so a mix of all seven(:

2009-06-18T22:21:00.000-04:00

I don't know what I want in life.

But it's not this.

Personality?

2009-06-18T14:55:00.002-04:00

What's mine?
Liar.
Fake.
Annoying.
Lazy.
AntiSocial.
Bitch.
Bipolar (symptoms).

And so much more.
I hate it.
I don't know how to change it, for good, because when I do, I end up reverting back to 'normal' after so-and-so amount of time.
I hope for something and it gets crushed.
I try my hardest, and I get told what I did was fake, or had unoriginal parts to it.

When the latter happens, I try and EXPLAIN myself, but instead I get shut down.
I hate it.
I hate hate hate hate hate it, and I hate hate hate hate hate me.

I don't want to be me. I want to be someone else.

Youtube?

2009-06-14T11:29:00.002-04:00

Okay, so, I used to love youtube.
And then when Google bought them I started hating them since they were going all COPYRIGHT NAZI on our asses.
Well.
You know youtube.com/shows?
I absolutely am in love.
They have Anime, firstly.
AND some of the animes? Angelic Later. The Best Student Council.
I practically died when I saw these!

I LOVELOVELOVE Angelic Later AAND THe Best Student Council <3

I'm excited and I don't think I'll ever stop being such
:D

EDIT: Forgot to mention: They also have Ouran High School Host Club. AAAND They offer both the DUB and SUB versions to watch. OH yeah. I am MOST definitely happy now.

Formatting?

2009-06-14T11:07:00.001-04:00

So. I'm on my aunt's laptop, and it uses Windows Vista, Internet Explorer
Now I, on the other hand, use Windows XP and Firefox

When on MY laptop, the formatting to my blog is completely fine, but on my aunt's laptop (and the school computers, come to think of it) it goes all outta wack.
Both of these times is when its on Internet Explorer.

Now, my friends and stalkers(I mean Followers>.>) do you use Internet Explorer? Does my formatting spazz out and go all over the page when you visit my blog?
I'd love to know...

Time?

2009-06-11T18:36:00.001-04:00

Can you please quicken?
Please
Just speed through this next year
PLEASE

I am sick and tired of my brother
I really am
There's just one more year before he's done and out of this god damned house; if it'd just go by faster I'd be much happier. Oh so very.
He wants to go into the army? Let him. Let him get killed for all I care.

I am sick and tired of him and all his shit and pointless idiotic banters and insults

That's. . . Creepy?

2009-06-10T15:47:00.002-04:00

So, I'm on NotaLand.com for school (I'm currently still here, btw) aaand it's like 'Share!' so I hit blogger, just to see what would happen, and decided to check and see if there were any other updates from the people I follow.

I was all prepared to have to sign in.
Thing is, I didn't.

I've never been on this computer since I've gotten this blog, btw.
I'm now realizing, after the four years I've been at this school, that when you sign into a website on your name, whenever you log back into your school account, you are still logged into the website (depending on the site; if it auto logs you out after a certain amount of time like deviantart.com, then no, it's not going to work, but with blogger, yes, it does)

If none of the above makes sense, then, shit.
But, yeah.
I just realized this and it kinda intrigued me
>.>

Dance?UPDATED. . . long x.x

2009-06-05T13:42:00.004-04:00

In school; thought I'd start the new blog post
Well.
Dance.
Tonight.
I dont really care for it.
I'm only going to please people.
Whatever.

More later~
--

So. How was the dance?
Shit, in my opinion.
Only upside? Getting a photo with Mrs Scott(:
It's my phone's screensaver, but I accidentally deleted it from my phone )):
Damnit!
But, yeah. Okay so getting my hair done, I started getting excited. Emily came over, and so did her siblings-totally pointless-and then I started getting stressed. Yay! Not. Then we headed to Josh's, that was actually quite fun :P

After that?
Yeah.
To school x-x
Emily was saying hi to everyone, acting chummy, which was meh, okay, expected but a bit annoying after a while. I got to say hi to all my teachers(: Mrs Scott and Mrs Robtison's sons were SO CUTE!!!
:D

Cassie and Tommy looked so adorable together! It was great to meet Tommy (and Nick. haha. Manga/Anime discussions are fun. FINALLY SOMEONE KNOWS WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT! That was great. I mean, I know my friends just nod and try to understand, but he understood what I was saying, and it was funny), he and cassie looked soooo cute!

Everyone looked great in their dresses(: Saw a repeat or two, which sucks for the girls, but meh. Me and Abby, turns out, got each other's opposite dress. Like. I had bought the dress she wore, returned, got mine. She had thought about getting mine, but got the other one. That was funny(:

Soooo what was so bad, you ask?
Well, I only went because Becky and Bryn told me to, and for Emily to be able to attend.
I kinda wish Zelina had came with me instead, now that I think about it. I wasn't the only girl to bring a girl-Tanisha brought her bestfriend Chloe. She's totally spazzy and amazing~-which was great. But yeah. I don't dance, so it was really kinda a waste for me to be there.

I started crying like, half way.
don't look at me like that
i'm not one to cry, and to be sitting there, tears flailing about, i hated it. i really did.
why was i crying?
well, lets see, last time I went to a dance? Last night at CSS.

Okay okay, you're all sick and tired about hearing about my love for camp, I get that, I do, but these people mean the world to me. For once in my life, there were people who accepted and loved me for me, no questions asked. I wasn't fake, I told them the truth, and we were the best of friends. That doesn't HAPPEN in my 'real life'. It just, DOESN'T. Don't mean to dissapoint you, but face the facts.

I hung with Becky at random intervals, but then wondered away because the convos had gotten a bit awkward...she looked great thought! lmao tissue paper bow (; and katie looked great in a dress! lol i mean that in a good way!
everyone looked great(:

don't get me started on bryn's hairspray-esk updo XD adorable! and her dress!
TuTu?!!
:P

But yeah. Bryn and Becky? Didn't really see them much.
Jonny and Julia and all kept on trying to get me to dance, which reminded me of Zelina a lot. x-x
I broke the one icetea thingerr. haha. go me?
I learned that the one lunchlady is my godmother/aunt's neighbor, and had talked to my gramma earlier in the day-wanted me to call her.
THAT was interesting
But yeah
i sat on my ass most of the time in the back of the room, texting Zelina and then Karen, with a bit of Zack in there

Whenever I went over to Emily, she'd either walk away, or I would.
So meh.
I was truthfully, absolutely bored there.
The people who said they'd hang with me, simply said, didn't, and when I went over to people or others came to me, I ended up leaving them.
Bad, I know. It also makes me a hypocrite.
Which I hate, btw.

So, as I sat, texting Zelina, the tears just sprang up.
Ed, Jake, and Caleb were sitting near me, so like THAT wasn't awkward.
Then Mr Leigh noticed and came over
x-x
This was during the second tear attack, btw, where it was more than one or two little drops. No. More like an avalanche.
He understood I didn't want to talk and left me, so yay!

What's bad? on my part? At one point I had dropped my phone and didn't realize it; I was so sad and scared then. It was my only connection to camp at that moment in time, and losing it nearly killed me.

Blah

I went to the bathroom-lmao the little basket thing was adorable!-cleaned myself up and then it was time to go.

Oh yeah; another thing that annoyed me.
Char's little after party?
It was all that anyone would talk about, and then people were saying it was 'invitation only' or something, and then that it wasn't, and then that it was. When Josh brought it up-I figured Emily was lying-Emily said how she was invited. Um. Okay. Someone that talks about you behind your back is going to invite you to an afterparty for a dance at the school you no longer attend.
Got it.
I'm really not believing a LOT of the things Emily's been saying. Mainly, because, while she was at the school, she would lie about a lot of things; about going to guidance, creating stories just to be funny and have attention, etc. It gets annoying after a while. A bit 'the boy who cried wolf', if I dare say.

Another thing; I do not give a shit about the party or the photos at Megan's before hand. It was all SO ANNOYING to hear people talk about before hand! ALL Thursday and Friday it was 'what does your dress look like?', 'are you going to megan's?', and 'are you going to char's?'
Um, yeah, you don't GO PLACES YOU'RE NOT INVITED TO ATTEND
Or to places where you hate the majority of the people theres' guts.
Yeah.
Doesn't work that way.

-Extra-
On the topic of things that annoyed me on Thursday and Friday, the constant 'who's your date?' thing annoyed the fuck outta me. It's a fucking NINTH GRADE SEMI FORMAL. the NEED for dates was fucking outrageous! in the beginning, people were like, oh, we're just going as one big group of friends!
Then why the hell did you all get 'dates', even if you say its 'as friends'?!
It's fucking POINTLESS, and a waste of TIME and DRAMA
It makes people ASSUME, as well.
And also ASSUME if you DON'T have a date!
People wonder why so many teens are ending up pregnant.
Oh, I don't know, the constant pressure to have a boyfriend/girlfriend might have something to do with it! At least as a starting factor!
We are only, what, 14-16 years old? We're to fucking immature and young to understand the complexities of love and relationships and all that they truly mean.
It's a whole rant meant for another day, but seriously, by the end of Friday I was fed up with all this couple talk.
I really was.
I find love and relationships to be the most stupid and idiotic thing to believe in.
I REALLY do.
-end Extra-

I really do not want to go to school on Monday, now. People who noticed me crying may or may not bring it up, and the 'may' part is what's scaring me. And Mr Leigh; what if he tries to bring up what happened with the crying? How will I deal with that?
I really don't.
Whenever I talk about camp, people try to understand, but they don't, and then I get annoying, talking about it all the time. I'm sorry for that, but I'm also NOT sorry for it.

All I can say is; the next 5 weeks cannot come fast enough. They really can't.

I'll shut up now.
Excuse the excessive use of 'I' and the random tangents going on and off.
:/

Guess What I Just Did?

2009-05-31T13:35:00.003-04:00

Took a ride in my dad's friend Stevie's car.
What kind of car, you ask?
A FRIGGEN SMART CAR!!!!!

These things are HELLA GREAT!
They can come as cheap as 11,000$, and the entire exterior is like, plastic, and it costs only 1000$ to change the plastic--AKA EASY ABILTIY TO CHANGE COLOR! Oh yeah. It's amazing. ALSO; for like, 17,200$ you have the car, seat warmers, leather seats, electronic windows, etc etc!
How could you NOT want it?!
And when you look at it, you think, oh wow, it's small, i'm tall, i couldn't POSSIBLY fit in it.
Well. I'm nearly 6' and I fit just fine! My dads like, 6'2 or so, and he fits comfortably.
It has only two seats and a semi-small trunk, but its GREAT! My mom was worried we'd die in a car crash, but Stevie assured us it's great; told us to look it up on youtube--the crash tests, I mean.

I think I'm in love.
Who knew I could be in love with a car...o.O
But REALLY; HOW COULD YOU NOT LOVE IT?!!!

It goes VROOOOOM and makes amaaaazing noise when you rev it up; you have to use premium gas, but spending like 22$ to fill it up compared to 18$ on cheaper stuff lasts you longer.

My mom said if I saved up my money I could have one (:
Oh yeah. Imma job hunting nao.

WINGS???

2009-05-30T19:22:00.003-04:00

So. China.
What's new there?
Oh, nothing, really. Just, you know, the cats. With wings.

And apparently, according to this article it's not the first time it's happened.
Also, that it may be due to chemicals its mother had/was exposed to.

That's. . . lovely.
o.O
In the end, though, the cat DOES look really adorable!
You can't argue against that(: I mean. I want a cat with wings, now, too!

EDIT:
Found other photos of cats with wings, although theirs need to be held up ):

Fangirl? Obsessed?

2009-05-26T20:31:00.003-04:00

Far from it
>.> *scoff*

Actually. That's a lie.
I've fallen for a new obsession.
Although, technically, I had been obsessed with it briefly before, but not really caring until now.

What am I currently fangirling over, you ask?
Zutara.
Zuko + Katara = Zutara
Don't know these characters?
Then you obviously don't know what Avatar: The Last Airbender is.

My love for them died around the time I started being unable to watch the new episodes. Which fucking sucks cause they started getting a lot of Zutara action in there, despite what the creators say :P

Anyhoo, if you care to learn some about this amazing pair, I say read this fanfiction. There is a sequel, and can be found in the author's profile, along with another Zutara story that I in which highly recommend.

There are numerous fanarts out there, and here are just a few: (remember to click on the image for a bigger view, or the link to its original location)

this can be found here

as well, one of my most favorite fanarts to the above linked story: here

Not to mention of THE BEST AMVs out there!!

Deleted?

2009-05-23T23:03:00.001-04:00

The two posts I had on here labeled Family and Family 2 are now deleted.
They have been moved to my LiveJournal (aka Rant Journal).

My mom asked me to take them down (prob. cause I had links to this blog on my facebook, where I am friends with some of the relatives ranted about. Meh.) so I did as she said.

~that is all

Five Second Rule?

2009-05-21T18:49:00.001-04:00

Apparently Gackt fallows it
(;
So adorable^w^!

I'm Sick and Tired of This

2009-05-20T15:36:00.004-04:00

After just having a shit-fucked day at school, what do I come home to? A review on my fanfiction! Is it nice or anything? Nah. Not at all. It's a long ass review criticizing me on how I ask for reviews.

I ASK for reviews for CRITICISMS ON MY WORK not on how I ask or how I function.
What I hate even more is when they do not provide an email.
It pisses me the fuck off.
It really does.

so yeah.
I'm mad about that.
What made me happy, however, is that after that I went onto facebook, where I had updated my status whilst having a bad day at school, and Karen, my old camp RA, had posted on my wall a hug and everything, and it really helped.

I'm glad I have people like that in my world. Even if everyone else is fucked up or full of themselves. (:

53 days til I head to camp and counting <3
(something like that >.>)

Alive?

2009-05-18T21:49:00.000-04:00

My internet's back
Beware I've been planning a few blogs whilst I was gone
(:
Enjoy.

Starting "Poem" blog Wednesday.
Shall have poems written 4/3/09 and 5/13/09 (I think thats the date...)

Good Mood?

2009-05-10T15:36:00.003-04:00

I'd jus like to say, thanks to everyone for wishing me a happy birthday:)

All day my phone was going off, and I knew it drove my mother insane, but, it made me really happy to see everyone attacking me via text and facebook.
I felt loved (:

So. Thank you. Everyone. For putting me in a good mood.

Oi; and Facebook for giving me some laughs (;

Really Worth It?

2009-05-07T19:03:00.002-04:00

Dealing with people, I mean.

Is it worth it?

I always seem to ponder this every couple of months, and it leads me in a none-to-pleasant place...

Meh.

Time to go update Livejournal...

Wanna See Something Cute?

2009-05-01T21:00:00.003-04:00

Isn't this the CUTEST kitty you've ever seen?!
Click for a fuller view!!

Whenever you're having a bad day, look at this kitty!
I, for one, can not be mad while looking at it :3
SO freaking adorable! *squeal*

A great way to start off May (:

YAY KITTY!

What Makes Erika Mad?

2009-04-29T17:41:00.004-04:00

(Oh god another title with a ? >< crap!)
Posted: 4/29
Updated: 5/1
(I'll be adding to this as I find more things)

What Makes Erika Mad?
Many things Make Erika Mad.

Overly sensitive people.
They are the most shit fucked people in the world.
As soon as you take a slightly more aggressive tone, they spazz out on you.!

They get angry when you do NOT tell them what's making you mad, and when you DO tell them, they get all depressed and emo and stereotypical and not wanting to talk to you, pulling their bangs in front of their eyes, and looking everywhere but you.

IT IS FUCKING STUPID.
Get a fucking THICKER SKIN and learn how to DEAL WITH PEOPLE.
I AM NOT GOING TO DUMB DOWN HOW I FEEL JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE A LOWER EMOTIONAL LEVEL

And ho ho hoooo dare I say that? Dare I even mention how low you are in the emotional scale of things? Oh, no, of course not, because THEN you go all 'I've been through stuff' blah blah blah

If you HAVE been through stuff, you wouldn't be pulling out your emo act.
It is old and not believable.
Nobody's going to take you seriously if you always do that. You can't prove that you can handle things in the real world if you can't even handle the attitude of someone whose having a bad week/day.

I'd like to see these overly sensitive people in five years or so; it'll probably end up being quite hilarious, if I do believe so. Well, if you continue in the path that you're going now.

Either way; like I already said, GET A THICKER SKIN.

I do not LIKE being friends with these kind of people. I realized today WHY I fight so much with sensitive people, and its BECAUSE THEY ARE SENSITIVE. I bitch a LOT, I CURSE a lot, and I am very BIPOLAR at times; of COURSE I'm going to hate you.

Sad part? I know two overly sensitive people. And they think of me as their friends.
Its so fucking stupid;
And dare I say that I feel THIS WAY EITHER?!! Oh, noooo, because then I won't have ANY friends left, after the people that IGNORE me all the time (see below).

Whatever.
--

Being ignored.
You know, like, all of your friends now ignore you or at least dont talk to you if they dont have to. They go and wander to other people leaving you sitting there like wtf?

I don't want to sound selfish or conceited or any of those things, but when you go from having two friends, one of which you do not see at ALL, to all of these people, and then to be dropped again, it gets old. It gets old QUICK.

I try not to take it seriously, but really, I hate it. These aren't people I talk to or associate with, so, I don't really care to know the plans you have with them, or what the two of you were talking about while I was alone.
Yes, I want my friends to be happy, and if these people do that, sure, but don't act surprised when I start ignoring you as well because you're talking about all these people I do not know and the plans you have with them.
It's idiotic; why the hell would I contribute to a conversation I know nothing of or about?

What just ticks me off even MORE is when I ignore you back, and then you spazz out and laugh it off but then stay persistent. Well, how about some self reflection and to realize what the fuck it is I might be upset over. I'm not ALWAYS happy go lucky. Hah. That's only part of me; a small, small part.

Its moments like this and people like this that aggravate me. I'm not going to say anything to the people, because really, the track record I have with doing that is a blow up that leaves us not talking. After not having any friends for so long, I'd rather not do that.

No matter how MUCH it aggravates the SHIT outta me.

--

When somebody texts you, and as far as you know there are at least one significant misspelling, and you reply back with a ?, and you end up with a 'nvm' in return. Um. I want to know! That's why I said '?'! Does this person not REALIZE what I'm confused about? If SO, they should go back and look at their sent/outbox and try and explain it.

I don't know about you, but, it annoys the crap outta me.
Especially if they were trying to END THE CONVERSATION, now I won't have any idea about what to do or say!!

--

Another thing, that gets me mad.
Is when in orchestra lessons for viola's how idiotic some people can be.
You see, I'm the only ninth grader, and there's one seventh grader, and then three sixth graders.
At the start of the year there were about six or so.
See how many quit, already?
They don't try, and it's annoying.
In the past year three seventh-eighth (not sure)graders and a ninth grader have quit.

Again; ANNOYING.
Not only does THAT tick me off, but, these sixth graders; I know they're still 'beginners', but GOD DAMNIT, when I was their age, I knew what an Up-Bow symbol looked like, I knew what forte meant, and GOD DAMNIT I NEVER MISSED A SINGLE REHEARSAL.
not ONCE in my SEVEN YEARS OF PLAYING HAVE I MISSED A REHEARSAL OR LESSON TIME.
And everyone else? (not just the sixth graders), they're always late, or forgetting their music, or dropping their instrument, or not showing up AT ALL.

It is fucking insane.
You signed up to do something; DO IT AND DO IT WELL.

Ugh. But yeah. They cannot even play a low c.
THATS OPEN STRING, DIP SHITS.

*shakes head* every single one of them needs to write in the fingerings.
And okay, I do that too, BUT WHEN I'M IN FUCKING TREBLE CLEF.

aoi;jrehoasjbkl Whatever. They annoy me. I know I am FAR from being amazing, but, I knew a lot more than they do when I was in their grades.

On the orchestra topic, just an added thing, I hate the people that never show up to ANYTHING and then fight with Ms Hurd about it. It's fucking bullshit. You are supposed to show up to the rehearsals! You signed up for this, damnit!

But, whatever, I could sit here ranting about Orchestra all day long.
However, I'm not going to.
--

Do You Realize?

2009-04-29T16:06:00.002-04:00

That I put most of the titles for my posts as a question?
Even this one. .

I don't do it intentionally, which is the weird part.
Hm. How strange.

Just wanted to point that out (;

On another note; the theme for the 9th Grade Semi-Formal is Hollywood Hills.
Strange, I know. But I was talking to my friends on the dance committee and from the sounds of it, the decorations are going to be amaazing.
In case you care, here's what I'm going to be getting/buying:
This dress, in black and white.
These earrings.
This bracelet.
:D

That's about it; just wanted to make a quick update (:

To My Readers on Fanfiction.net

2009-04-25T23:51:00.004-04:00

So, if you're at this page, and aren't one of my friends that stalk my blog, that means that you're wondering why I disappeared for nearly a year. (Beware this is LOONG)

Well, simply, I got lazy. I didn't want to write. As well, I went to a writing camp in July, worked on original things, and once I got home I reread all that I had written there, and got really pissed at myself. How could I let myself write something so HORRIBLE? How could I have mixed point of views up so BADLY?

It unnerved me to no end.
As well, I realized I probably WASN'T cut out for original writing, since I was lacking SO MUCH in ideas. I was depressed that camp had ended-It had been the best thing to happen to me, and I met people who I'm going to be friend with for forever-and then realizing that my writing was THAT bad, made it even worse.

My friends told me I was full of it, but really, I was a failure, and was not inspired to write a SINGLE thing for a VERY long time.

I begun writing poetry lately; just a little bit. In english we finished up the poetry portion of the year about a month ago, and I found it to be a great way to unleash myself. It got me out of the funk I'd been in. Of course...most of my poems depressed me once I read over them BUT THAT IS BESIDES THE POINT. What really upped my self confidence was when one of my poems I wrote won the Poetry Contest for our yearbook (they put a poem in front of each grade's section in it).

Having that, I began to feel more confident in my skills as a writer.

~I'm sure a lot of you know the new way that FFN works-the crossover section. Well, once I put my stories in there, I began to get more reviews-There was finally an easy way to find crossover fanfics, and thus more people saw mine! Getting those reviews, and knowing that people WANTED to read more, really helped make me realize 'Okay, I've got to GET WRITING or else these people are gonna KILL ME'

I'd been getting good response, and then today I read an annonymous review. I'm sure a lot of you are gonna call me a baby, and so be it, but this person spoke about how selfish I was for wanting so many reviews, that I was just posting for flattery, and that I was making everyone OOC, as well that my grammar was aweful.

Well, 1) It's fanfiction. I'm not a PROFESSIONAL, I'm a TEENAGER, of course my effin grammar isn't going to be PERFECT
2) I did say I posted only for feedback, and as stated above, hearing such great responses boosted my confidence; so yeah, I may like the flattery. Who wouldn't/doesn't?!
3) Making people OOC? Okay, I'm not the original creator, so I can't exactly EMBODY the characters to the T, but I was doing a pretty damn good job, if I do say so myself.

Ugh, but yeah. And the fact that it was anonymous pissed me off even more; what, are you too much of a coward to leave an email address for me to find you at? To discuss this like human beings? But, whatever.

Basically, I lot has happened in the past year or so, but I have finally begun writing again. I'm sure what I've written isn't perfect after such a long break in time, but, do tell me what I have done wrong! I'd really appreciate it (:

Annoy, to my readers, I hope this cleared some things up. . . I know excuses are worthless, but, I felt the need to at least TELL you all what I've been up to. Now, do go read that update of mine and review if you haven't already (;

To my friends: um..yeah...excuse this^^''

OH YEAH; if anyone on FFN wants to stalk me on here, feel free to! I love meeting new people! Just tell me your FFN name ((:

Paper Bag Results?

2009-04-19T23:37:00.005-04:00

So...i never posted those Paper Bag Curls, did I?
Well....there's good reason to it.
One thing that I learned through the process, however, was to NOT make the 'curls' SUPER tight. . .
At All.

Here's me with the bags on:
Here's me after taking them out:

See what I mean? I dare you to click that image and enlarge it. I DARE you. See how horrible it looks!
What did I do in response to this?
WASHED IT OUT, OF COURSE!
Ah...back to normal and ready to head to gramma's!

Hmm . . yeah, that's basically what happened.
Sorry this is so late!

Finished!

2009-04-18T02:37:00.004-04:00

Finished!

I'm also going to be posting this on my dA page so you can find it there (:

So. I started this at about 10PM give or take a couple minutes, and its now 2:38AM.

Of course there were hours in between were I got sidetracked by youtube and such things, but, still.

Again, I'll say, I took a picture of myself as a base, and used it to rebuild myself, with my new hair cut. This haircut has more layering and bangs. I hope it came out okay. . .

And course then I colored it. Now that I look I think maybe I should have shaded the neck, but then I remember that in the photo I'm looking up at my camera, so you don't even see the shade that my jaw causes on my neck.
So.
Yeah.
Tell me what you think (;

Work in Progress?

2009-04-17T22:08:00.004-04:00

Okay, well, as you can tell I haven't uploaded the before and after for the Paper Bag Curls.
Well, here's an idea of what happened: I looked like a poodle.

(;

IN OTHER NEWS, HOWEVER, THE POINT OF THIS UPDATE!I am drawing right now!
First, I am using a photo of me as a base, and will layer by layer outline and create. Here's it so far as well as the original photo I am using

Click 'em for larger view!

So, tomorrow, I'm getting my haircut, and although I have found pictures for what I want (and the term for the highlights (peekaboo)), for my own self confidence in it, I wanted to create an image.

So. Yeah. That's what I'm currently doing, and shall torture you all with it as I go along.
Well.
If i feel like it (:

Paper Bag Curls

2009-04-12T00:12:00.004-04:00

I know, I know, too many blogs in one day! Slow down there!
Well....tough toodles. I'm actually using a blog, so, be happy!
Plus they're short blurbs(:

Anyhoo, this is a blog post on the hair treatment I'm going to be doing in about an hour or so!
(If I did this right, the Title should link to the site that I got the information from, if not, click here)

So. Yes. That's what I shall be working on soon enough!
I'll include before and after photos...whether its fail or not!

If you do not feel like going to the website, what I'll be doing is using strips of paper-brown bags (like, lunch bags) and taking a piece of damp hair-NOT wet, or else it'll drench the paper and thus useless-and wrap the hair around it. Pull down, twist paper-bag into a V-Shape, and then roll up. Once at top, tie the paper bag.

Video on How To:

Amazing Pumpkins

2009-04-11T14:31:00.003-04:00

So. My lovely mother received an email from her older sister, just like, how she was doing, as well as some 'attached photos'

Well. Okay. Two.
The first was of her(:
AAAAND THE SECOND?!!!

These lovely pumpkins:

Isn't it amazing?!!
I absolutely love it.
If the photo of Katy Perry from the concert on April 5th wasn't my desktop, this sure as hell would have been!

So yeah. Just sharing the goodness of a puking, drunken pumpkin :D

9th Grade Formal?

2009-04-11T01:27:00.005-04:00

So. Once again, boredom has succumbed me and I am looking up dresses to wear to the 9th Grade Formal.

Of course. There is no theme yet.
Why won't they pick a goddamned theme yet?! Like. Really!! Dress Sales are going on a lot now and we can't BUY anything since we don't know the theme ):

But. I found a dress/outfit that I really like :D
Whether they do a Vegas theme or something else, I'm pretty sure it'll go okay. Well. Unless they do the luau theme. BUT OTHERWISE.
>.> yeah.
Well. Here's the dress!

I'd wear it with these tights

Now, I'm not sure what color...mainly because, I'm going to try and find a belt for the dress-to give it some god damned form-but whatever color it is, I want it to match the shoes. So, say I find a red belt-I'll get red shoes, but gray tights. But if it were a white belt, there'd be white shoes, and a random, bright color pair of tights.

So. I'm still debating.
And having no luck in finding a belt...
DAMNIT

Torrid used to have a red one I LOVED but of course, it's not in stock anymore ):
So now I'm searching for that.

But...yeah...just thought I'd post this(;
I'm sure some of you don't give a damn, but gosh dangit, I wanted to tell someone about the amazing dress!

A Blog?

2009-04-10T22:07:00.001-04:00

Hm.
Seems I have joined the revolution of blogging.
Not that I don't already have a blog.
Just...first Blogger.com blog
:DD

So. wanna stalk me?
deviantArt account
facebook account
myspace account
youtube account
gaiaonline account 1
gaiaonline account 2
fanfiction account
livejournal profile
livejournal journal
twitter account

AIM: Music51094
WindowsLIVE/MSN: sevvy.erika@gmail.com
Yahoo: erikasevvytentenmiraclegrow@yahoo.com
Email: sevvy.erika@gmail.com

so.
yeah.